By Torry Stiles 10. “You can’t fire me.” 9. All dogs love me.” 8. “Helmets are for wussies.” 7. “I don’t see any cops.” 6.
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TOP 10 PLANS FOR MY STIMULUS CHECK THE WIFE HAS REJECTED
By Torry Stiles 10. Free “Torry’s Top 10” T-shirts for all my fans. I’ll need about three if I include my mom. 9. Four straight
TOP 10 REJECTED NAMES FOR THE STIMULUS CHECKS
By Torry Stiles 10. Corona Cash 9. Plague Payola 8. Coughing Fund 7. Tattoo-pallooza 6. Tips for the Apocalypse 5. Coronus Bonus 4. McConnell’s Fund
TOP 10 NEW WORDS AND PHRASES WE NEED FOR THE LOCKDOWN
By Torry Stiles 10. Covideos (noun): All the goofy stuff we’re putting on the internet because we’re bored stiff. 9. Couch Café (noun): Furniture so surrounded
TOP 10 THINGS I’VE ACCOMPLISHED SINCE THE QUARENTINE BEGAN
By Torry Stiles 10. Found toilet paper. 9. Taught the family to appreciate the Asian grocery store’s ability to get stuff Kroger can’t. …. like
TOP 10 SIGNS YOU’RE NOT COPING WITH THIS QUARENTINE THING
By Torry Stiles 10. You’ve lost track of whether you’re day-drinking or night-drinking. 9. Your daughter is in her bedroom crying because she caught you
TORRY’S TOP 10 FAVORITE SOUTHSIDE EATERIES
By Torry Stiles 10. Long’s Donuts. My diabetes doctor has demanded my picture be posted next to their register with the warning, “Do not serve.”
TOP 10 WORST POLITICAL SLOGANS SUGGESTED THIS YEAR
By Torry Stiles 10. “No free phones but here’s a MAGA hat.” 9. “America first, unless Albania shows up.” 8. “Tell me where I stand.”
TOP 10 SIGNS OF SPRING ON THE SOUTHSIDE
By Torry Stiles 10. Manual High School is once again seeking help to fund their sports teams. 9. You look forward to the smooth parts
TOP 10 REJECTED SUGGESTIONS TO HELP ROGER PENSKE IMPROVE THE SPEEDWAY
By Torry Stiles 10. Souvenir rides around the track during the race. 9. Pig wrestling or monster trucks. Or both. Pigs wrestling in monster trucks.