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By Torry Stiles

10. You’ve lost track of whether you’re day-drinking or night-drinking.

9. Your daughter is in her bedroom crying because she caught you Googling guinea pig recipes.

8. You panicked after checking your temperature only to realize the thermometer was from a Doc McStuffins toy.5.

7. Last night you ate two weeks’ worth of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

6. The whole family is eating organic, all-natural vegan food. Not because it’s healthy but because that was the only stuff left on the store shelves.

5. You had a serious discussion with the cat about curtain patterns and new carpet.

4. You and your spouse are planning separate vacations: you’re going to the living room and he’s planning on camping in the upstairs hallway.

3. The neighbors snagged seven cases of Charmin Ultra Soft and you’re prepared to trade a child for one.

2. The wife is no longer speaking with you after yesterday’s debate about which was the better Darrin on Bewitched.

1. There’s a furniture-fed bonfire in the backyard and your children are dancing naked around it.

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