by Torry Stiles
(Dear readers – An all-too-common event these days is the theft of catalytic converters from cars and trucks. The situation is so bad that cars that break down on the side of the highway are being left bereft of those expensive exhaust components. Mine was stolen a few weeks back. Now I can only dream of my revenge.)
10. Swift and thorough justice that hopefully involves beating, skinning and/or live eels.
9. A lawyer who woke up the day of court to find HIS converter stolen.
8. A cellmate who is extra touchy-feely.
7. The next time you slide out from underneath a car, the owner’s Rottweiler is there to greet you.
6. Your driver’s license, plate and insurance all expire the day before you bump into a Southport cop car with your Sawz-All and a fresh cat in your backseat.
5. The Health Department shuts down your favorite restaurant the morning after you bring your whole family there.
4. Your daughter and your wife both announce they are pregnant but unsure by whom.
3. Your cable TV will mess up and leave you with nothing but the shopping channels.
2. Puppies will hate you and pee on your pants leg.
1. May every jack you buy fail.