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Torry’s Top 10: Reasons why I’ve become a curmudgeon

( curmudgeon: a crusty, ill-tempered, and usually old man)
10. Is there anything they DON’T pierce these days?
9. Anything that might cost me a hip should be outlawed in public.
8. What kind of pizza place ain’t got anchovies for heaven’s sake?
7. I don’t care what color you are or what god you worship or who you want to love. I do care that you need to get your nose out of your phone and go ‘cause the light turned green 15 seconds ago.
6. Can’t tell if people are more obnoxious or I’m less tolerant. Regardless: Pull up your pants!
5. In clothing: “Does it fit?” is less important than, “Does it chafe?”
4. I am running out of people who know the theme song to “Car 54 Where Are You?”
3. Although convinced that half of my medicine is a collection of sugar pills and placebos I faithfully swallow them all and ask for more.
2. I understand toddlers better than ever.
1. I measure distances in gripes and groans. The stairs are twice as long first thing in the morning as they are after my coffee.

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