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By Torry Stiles

(Dear readers: I’ve spent several years working for local towing companies. I’ve been involved with accidents, vehicle repossession, impounded vehicles, garage tows, water rescues and a variety of other situations involving wreckers and towing. Most of my time has been spent answering the phones. Things can get strange.)

10. Me: “Hello. Happy Hooker Wrecker Company.” Caller: “Can you tow my car?” Me: “Yes, sir.” Caller: “How soon can you be here?” Me: “About an hour.” Caller: “Great. Hurry.” <click> Me: “What’s your address? Hello?”

9. Caller: “You speak Spanish?” Me: “No. Do you?” Caller: “No.” Me: “Fine, then. What can I do for you?”

8. Caller: “I don’t need a tow. I just wanted to scare the guy who just ran into me to think I do so he’ll cough up some cash.”

7. Me: “Sir, your car was impounded because you were arrested for drunk driving. We are not bringing it to the jail for you. You have to wait for the judge and come fetch it when he’s done with you.”

6. Me: “You can’t sell this car to us unless you have the title to it. …. No, I don’t know who it belongs to, don’t you?”

5. Caller: “I think you’ve got my car.” Me: “That’s possible. What car are you missing?” Caller: “The red one.” Me: “Ford? Chevy? Dodge? Caller: “I don’t know.” Me: “Sir. Do you even own a car?” Caller: “Not anymore.”

4. Caller: “Where’s your wrecker? It’s been an hour.” Me: “Sir, I need your address.” Caller: “Oh. Never mind.”

3. Caller: “Do you have my daddy’s car?” Me: “Possibly. Which car is your daddy’s?” Caller: “The blue one. My Hot Wheels are in there.” Me: “I see. Is your daddy wanting to get the car back?” Caller: “I don’t know. I just want my Hot Wheels.”

2. Caller: “What time do you close?” Me: “We never close. We’re a 24-hour service.” Caller: “Great. What time do you open?”

1. Caller: “You speak Spanish?” Me: “No, sir. I speak two languages; English and bad English.” Caller: “I speak bad English.” Me: “Great. What can I do for you?”

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