By Torry Stiles

10. I can take comfort in knowing I have more hair and fewer felony convictions than several of my classmates.

9. Four years of high school sneaking cigarettes and other things and I come back to an open bar. I kept waiting for one of the staff members to take me to the office and call my parents.

8. I  found an audience that understands a Monty Python reference.

7. Teachers you were once hot for don’t stay that way.

6. There were more pictures of pets shared than grandchildren … pigs included.

5.¬† Now that I’ve quit smoking I can finally smoke on campus. What a rip-off.

4. Due to an incident involving several issues of National Geographic, I am still super shy around the librarians.

3. They served sushi and roast and coconut curried chicken sticks and other fancy stuff but I was really craving one of those rectangular pieces of school pizza.

2. There’s still a path to the stoner’s woods.

1.I may be a top-ten-list writing, pig-owning racing announcer but I will never be as cool as my classmate who test-drives Victoria’s Secret models.


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