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By Torry Stiles

10. “Can I skip the meeting? I’m pretty sure I’m getting canned before lunch.”

9. “I’m not going to yell but it won’t matter because I have nothing useful to say.”

8. “The HR department will be out of the office on a leadership retreat to the Bahamas. The sales team is at a convention in Las Vegas. Management has asked you all to gather in the break room to watch a safety video.”

7. “The company encourages all of us to support our fellow crew members with things like a bridal or baby shower. Setting up a GoFundMe for a paternity test is not appropriate, however.”

6. “When I call your name just say, “here,” and not, “get stuffed.”

5. “Quick show of hands: how many of you will still have a job here tomorrow?”

4. “Paychecks may be a bit late this week unless someone here knows where the bookkeeper went.”

3. “As part of this company’s desire to respect the religious diversity of our team Mr. Johnson will say a brief prayer, then Mrs. Scott will sacrifice a lamb.”

2. “Joey! This is the third time this month that you’re the reason for a safety committee meeting.”

1.“You’re going to feel a little pressure.”

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