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Top 10 things I’m doing to prepare for the next lockdown

By Torry Stiles

10. Practicing my living room Parkour skills. “The floor is lava!”

9. Make sure everyone in the house is capable of exercising their Second Amendment rights. Except the cat. He’s kinda shady.

8. Start a website dedicated to people trying to find missing puzzle pieces.

7. Keep the Top Ten list idea but only do one item a week to make them last longer.

6. Getting one of those 10-foot poles the girls in high school talked about so that the DoorDash guy won’t have to come onto the porch.

5.  Starting a rumor that I have COVID, so my neighbors won’t bother me.

4. Counterfeiting Lysol.

3. Signing up to volunteer for things I know will be cancelled.

2.  I’m starting a yeast farm. Not sure how to milk ‘em.

1. In anticipation of the toilet paper shortage I am stocking up on shower curtains.

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