By Torry Stiles
10. This whole global warming thing is getting us worried. A bunch of us are lookin’ to move up to Canada as soon as they drop the COVID restrictions.
9. Neighbor lady’s got a dachshund with a bad bladder and I’m getting tired of looking like a Mountain Dew commercial.
8. This nylon and rayon crap ain’t got none of the magic like that old silk hat they found.
7. Last time I did the “thumpity-thump-thump” thing the cops busted me for a noise violation.
6. Try wearing a mask when you’ve got a carrot for a nose.
5. The HOA is having us outlawed as “unapproved decorations.” Stupid stuff like that. Makes me wanna kick ‘em in the snowballs.
4. Cops keep stopping me to check what’s in the corncob pipe.
3. Had a kid who didn’t have a broom, so he brought out the Roomba. Dang thing sucked up a pound of snow, shorted out and caught fire. Now I’m a lot skinnier on that side and Mom is ticked off.
2. The snowwoman next door gave me the cold shoulder.
1.The Green New Deal people are after my “two eyes made out of coal.”