By Torry Stiles
10. Just once I would like to go out for dinner, but there aren’t a lot of restaurants at the North Pole.
9. No matter what he always comes home from work smelling like reindeer butt.
8. He can make it all around the world delivering billions of presents but can’t manage to put a fresh roll on the toilet paper holder.
7. I go out for a Girl’s Night with some of the elves, and all they want to talk about is who’s seeing who in the toy train department.
6. If one more reindeer craps on the roof I’m making deer sausage.
5. The talking snowmen are always arguing over who’s got the biggest, um, snowdrift.
4. He’ll get to drinking and start asking why I don’t look as hot as the TV Mrs. Clauses.
3. Rudolph went all Hollywood on us years ago and only shows up if Santa pays him in cash and magic corn.
2. I’m always worried that he’s out all night and knows who’s naughty.
1. I’m pretty sure some of the elves are doing pixie dust behind the reindeer barn.
