By Torry Stiles
10. “I promised to be nicer to people. Nicer. Not nice. Nicer.”
9. “Gyms smell like …. gyms. Ewwww. …”
8. “People who say I’m too judgmental are just wrong.”
7. “It’s not really shoplifting if I take the stuff that was already parked outside with the other tractors and lawn equipment.”
6. “I would’ve kept the weight off, but they brought back the McRib. …”
5. “I was taking Anger Management classes and totally misunderstood the homework assignment.”
4. “I swore off buying online but the Amazon guy came by because he was going to lose his route and go on unemployment.”
3. “My cousin said I’d never quit gambling and I said, ‘Wanna bet?’”
2. “Peloton people creep me out.”
1. “That Long’s Bakery donut sign calls to me.”
