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Top 10 random thoughts while perusing the mask catalog

10. If the kids aren’t going back to school will we be getting some of our tax money back?

9. Whoever thought of combining alcohol and axe throwing is a genius. Move over, Elon Musk.

8. Do I have to make up an excuse or can I start hoarding toilet paper just because I like to?

7. Whoever thought of opening a 24-hour emergency clinic near the bar with axe throwing was a greater genius.

6. I see that the school supplies lists include sanitizer and disinfecting wipes. If I had a kid, I’d send him to class with paper towels and a bottle of Everclear just to see if anyone is paying attention.

5. I lost track; what are the people in Portland still protesting?

4. A lot of us essential workers are plenty ready for some time off. Unfortunately we keep getting told we can’t go anywhere or do anything. If I wasn’t so essential, I could catch up on all these cable shows they tell me I’m missing.

3. Some days I even miss the sticky floors at the movie theaters.

2. Why are so many people more concerned with getting college and high school kids in the locker rooms? Shouldn’t we be more concerned about getting them back into their classrooms?

1.If you are using your phone to bet on sports you MIGHT have a gambling problem. If you are betting on cornhole and dart tournaments, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.

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