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By Torry Stiles

10. Every year his picture is printed on ads and T-shirts a billion times. Do we see one thin dime of that? I don’t think so. Not a penny.
9. Nothing worse than putting clothes out on the line when you’ve got a fleet of flying reindeer.
8. Strange women at the mall coming up to him insisting they’re naughty AND nice.
7. Elves who call me “Big Mama.”
6. I run this house 24/7. He works one over-nighter a year and everybody is all, “Ooooooo, how special.”
5. A whole workshop full of expert toymakers and he can’t find one who can fix a drippy sink.
4. After a night of nothing but milk and cookies his blood sugar is through the roof … and the gas. …
3. Mr. Holly Jolly is too busy to shovel the walk or take the dog out for a walk.
2. Every Dec. 26 the phone rings off the hook with moms demanding batteries or whining we gave the kid a Barbie with the wrong outfit.
1. Reindeer funk. Twenty-four hours in that sled. Nothing but Essence of Dasher.

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