By Torry Stiles
10. Every prisoner gets his hand stamped on his way in to jail, so if he goes out, he can get right back in.
9. Double pudding and brand-name bologna.
8. Casual Fridays and a pizza party are good enough to keep the staff happy, right?
7. Train staff not to fall for that old Monopoly game, ‘Get Out of Jail Free’ card scam.
6. Marion County prosecutor to no longer defer cash bond if the felon pinkie swears to come back.
5. Double-up on the current policy of arresting their girlfriends and going after Moms and the neighbor girl they used to be sweet on.
4. Free tickets to the Indy Fever home games.
3. Mandatory dorky haircuts upon arrest so they’re afraid to go out until it grows back.
2. Offer a half-off coupon for the next visit.
1.All press conferences asking for the escapee to turn himself in will include the phrase, “Pretty please with sugar on top.”
