By Torry Stiles
10. Police dispatch doesn’t give the officers your address. They just say the name of your business with the word “the” stressed in front of it and the word “again” afterward.
9. Incident reports regarding farm animals often occur in your building on the second story or higher.
8. The insurance company calls bullet holes “inadvertent ventilation.”
7. “Assume the position” is a standard greeting.
6. Firing your old security staff lowered the assault rate by 25% or better.
5. The fire department has decided that we’re all better off if the next time they just let it go.
4. There has been more than one fight involving a llama.
3. The police use your Employee of the Month photos for the mug shots.
2. The zoning and building code people killed your plan to skip roof repairs and just call it an open-air restaurant.
1.The SWAT robot stopped at your door and sent its operator the message, “No way.”
