By Torry Stiles
10. “I’m thinking about hijacking a Schwan’s truck.”
9. “I spent four hours with an ex I hate because he has a swimming pool.”
8. “Doctor is putting me in rehab for my Gold Bond addiction.”
7. “I tried using the Speed Stick but it ain’t nearly fast enough.”
6. “My dog melted, and instead of a poodle I have a puddle.”
5. “Where’s your pitchfork and horns?”
4. “Where’s the basting brush?”
3. “I haven’t been burned this bad since those fellas came through last year selling Bitcoin coins.”
2. “Nah. Only half done. Waiting for the high water part now.”
1.”If you make a peep about ‘ at least it’s a dry heat’ I’m gonna swap your baby powder for garlic salt.”
