By Torry Stiles
10. “Grammy sent me a birthday card!”
“Which one?”
“Not sure. I think it was one of Mom’s.”
9. “Dad. You need to sign this permission slip for the school field trip.”
“Let me call the lawyer first.”
8. “Tyler, at this school we treat everyone with respect including the ‘booger-butts.’ Do you understand?”
7. “Now, class, you all need to explain to your parents that your computer tablets belong to the school and are not part of any settlement their lawyers may work out.”
6. “Ms. Jones, we can appreciate your desire to bring up your child with a vegan diet, but we cannot prevent him from trading a fruit cup for some beef jerky.”
5. “They’re having a father/daughter dance at school, and we need to find me one.”
4. “I hate funerals. Too many fights.”
“Fights? Who fights at funerals?”
“My family. The last time they kicked us out of the cemetery including my Uncle Jerry and it was his funeral.”
3. “Can you be my Grandpa today?”
“Sure. What do I have to do?”
“Just sit and say smart stuff like on TV.”
2. “When can I spend the night at Daddy’s?”
“When he gets out in another two-three years.”
1. “The only time we get together is for funerals.”
“We should have a family reunion.”
“Who’s gotta die?”
