10. Omega Variant – Slight fever, headache and a craving for essential oils and fish supplements.
9. Karen Variant – Mild symptoms but you’ll demand to see the manager to complain about them.
8. Whatev Variant – Hits mostly teenagers and nobody really seems to care.
7. Chevy Variant – indicates we’re in big trouble because we’ve run out of Greek letters and we’re naming these after former Saturday Night Live cast members.
6. Hogsett Variant – makes you feel yucky all over but no fever because the virus disappears whenever things heat up.
5. Uno Variant – Fever, short temper and a desire to never play cards with those dirty, rotten cheatin’ so-and -so’s.
4. Spider Variant – When infected you get amazing agility and great power… but also great responsibility.
3. Folgers Variant – Your up-all-night coffee.
2. Prince Variant – You develop a dorky haircut and start talking like a cheap high school production of Camelot.
1. Kappa Tau Kappa Variant – Flu-like symptoms and an overriding desire to throw a keg party.
